Why Thanksgiving and Christmas Generically Annoy Me

Together, Christmas and Thanksgiving are two of the heavyweights in the American Consumer Holiday Season (the other heavyweight being New Years and the lightweights being Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and everything else that's riding on Mr. Christ's coattails). I actually have no problem with mass consumption: shopping, eating, drinking, etc. I like giving and receiving gifts and I like going to parties. I could sketch out some grand manifesto about how I think advertising has usurped our culture, but eh, whatever.

No, I have more obscure personal issues with these holidays. Rather, I am pained by the atmosphere of the Christmas "season" and I dislike Thanksgiving "food." Let's start with Thanksgiving, since amazingly enough, my issues with Christmas are even weirder than disliking the food served at the Great American Eating Holiday.

There's a bit of background. I have a rather small family and we don't tend to invite guests for Thanksgiving. Turkey Day simply means "dinner at home" but with more restrictions: what we eat, when we eat it, what we wear and where I have to be. Everybody eats at the same time. No wearing the clothes you slept in. Get away from the computer and into the dining room. And eat some turkey.

Now really, I have no problem with turkey as a food (or a pretty amusing animal). I just don't think it's interesting enough to serve as the culinary centerpiece for a holiday, nay an entire *culture.* Turkey is fundamentally bland, particularly when served in the traditional Thanksgiving manner, i.e. with gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. I've eaten at several cooks' tables over the years and it's not them, it's the cuisine. I must admit I feel less constrained by the sweet potatoes, cornbread and pumpkin pie. I'll eat pumpkin in just about anything. But next year, please, someone invite me to a festive goat roast or something.

My Christmas problem actually begins during Thanksgiving and it is ANXIETY about schoolwork. (Yes. That crazy.) For four years, I attended a fine academic institution that scheduled final exams after winter break. (While I secretly loved the calendar, I also secretly love waiting around in airports - just so you know who you're dealing with here.) As a compulsive procrastinator, I would always spend all of Thanksgiving catching up on the work I ignored during midterms. I'd go into full blown study mode, but then let myself sleep for 12 hours on the couch, "because I wouldn't get to sleep that much again for a while." The same thing would happen when I was home over winter break, this time with final papers hanging over my head. To this day, when I hear Christmas carols, I get little pangs of guilt about all the work I need to do that I know I'll put off until the last minute - because of all the parties I'll attend.

This year, however, I'm done with school in mid-December. I am excited to see if I suddenly develop an affinity for "Jingle Bell Rock." But don't count on it.

Clock Day

As it has been noted in the past, I have "trouble" with Daylight Savings time. I never know when it occurs, although this year I finally remembered which way to turn my clocks (Fall Forward, right?). But I'm proactive - I usually start asking my friends and family if they know when it is going to happen weeks in advance.

Ultimately, it's not the grand, sweeping notion that Time Is Changing that gives me pause. It's the simple follow-up question: "Wait, so then what time is it now?"

Without fail, for at least a week after the switch, I will have no earthly conception of the time. I must have some superhuman, sixth sense that makes me extremely sensitive to circadian changes. I can *feel* 5 pm. I *sense* dawn.

Or maybe I just own too many clocks and I never change all of them at once.

My cell phone and my laptop are well-behaved - they adjust to the new time without even restarting. (The cable box does as well, but considering I don't really know how to use our cable remote, that's not my turf.) My alarm clock, my stereo, my decorative clock, my 3 watches and the microwave all need to be changed manually.* And there's nothing more boring than pressing the tiny buttons on a digital watch 23 times to cycle it forward, in order to turn it one hour "back."

Usually, I get the clocks straightened out by Monday or so. This year, because I am a grad student, because certain universities decided to award Monday and Tuesday as "Fall Break," because I didn't have to be anywhere until 2 pm on Wednesday, I decided to delude myself a bit longer. There's nothing quite like waking up on Monday (at least, I think it was Monday), seeing the clock say 10 am and wondering what that means. Was it really 10 am? Or had I not yet changed the clock and it was 9 am? Was I actually supposed to adjust the clock an hour forward, meaning it was 11 am? Had I already adjusted it forward, translating to an actual time of 8 am? The possibilities are endless.

At any rate, I got my act together today and I am now once again available for time sensitive appointments. I promise.

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*Lest you think I own too much stuff, let me assure you that most of it from tag sales, the trash, or other sources that did not charge me more than $10. So... there's a lot of stuff, but it's cheap.